Of: Preston McNickels[email protected]>
Topic: ND student interested in investment banking
Dated: October 4, 2021 at 4:16:31 PM EDT
TO: John Bank of America [email protected]>
Dear Mr. Bank of America,
My name is Preston McNickels and I am a sophomore from Notre Dame interested in breaking into the world of investment banking. I’m sure you must be extremely busy, so I’ll start off by apologizing profusely for taking over a second of your precious time. I wanted to contact you to possibly set up a brief call to discuss your experience in the field.
Of course, I am primarily drawn to your company’s commitment to ESG. I admire your cheeky statement on human trafficking and your verbal pledge to make a statement on world hunger soon.
Rest assured that if I get the chance to work for your company, I will take full advantage of your partnership with Uber Eats. No bowl of Chipotle burrito – with guac, queso, fries, and double meat – is safe around an analyst in the office after 8:00 p.m.
But, Mr. BofA – if I can call you that – you’re a fool to think that I haven’t noticed a junior analyst’s salary yet. My apologies, but work-life balance is only a concern for those nearing retirement; maybe I’ll come back to this during my mid-career crisis at 30. I am not afraid of âgolden handcuffsâ; I welcome them. Chain me to my office on a sheltered Saturday, and my mood will soar higher than your predatory interest rates.
I’ll be fine after two years, maybe five if I find a groove. Let’s make a deal: I’ll stay as long as I continue to think that I can only afford to order drinks or an appetizer. Or, just infect me with impostor syndrome and get me drunk at networking events. Until then, chained and slaved to every command from my MD, I will be.
Although my CV includes “conversational Spanish” as a technical skill, I prefer to speak in our common language: acronyms. In order to confuse the financially illiterate inclined commoners, I use terms like LBO, EBITDA, and IPO in everyday conversation.
Again, I can’t begin to express how much I understand how extremely busy you are. With such a rich career in buy-side fund management, you must have so little time to waste and energy to spend, so I greatly appreciate you taking a moment to respond to my email.
Go Irish! Defeat the SEC (that of government surveillance)!
University of Notre Dame | Class of 2024