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I am writing to you here asking for help from people working in the investment banking industry. I’m 25, and I’ve been dating a 23-year-old investment banker for the past six months. She’s a junior in the M&A division of one of New York’s biggest banks, and I just don’t understand how to read her.

We had lots of dates and did all the usual things – eating out at restaurants, movie theaters, walking Central Park, going out to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. It seems to be going well, but I can’t help but feel that she is holding me back.

I know that banking jobs are demanding. I fully understand that it is difficult for her to have a relationship with someone who is not in finance, but I can’t help but think that she is using her job as an excuse, and because of that, I don’t really know where I am. For example, she hardly ever makes contact with me and it is always I who have to suggest a meeting. Then when we go on dates she sometimes falls asleep (yes!) And asks to come home early.

I find it all very difficult to manage. I only see her on weekends, and then we can’t fix anything in advance. Often times she accompanies whatever I want to do – it’s like she wants me to be dominant all the time because she’s so exhausted from being dominant at work and has no more energy.

If you are reading this article on this site, I am assuming you are working in banking yourself. Can you give me any advice on how to handle this in the future? How do I know where I am? If she gets calm and distant, am I supposed to take it? How do you know if she’s having a crazy week or if she’s just retiring? What is his part and what is his job?

I would appreciate it if you could leave your tips as comments at the bottom of this article. Thank you.

Lawrence Dale is the pseudonym of a frustrated banking boyfriend

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